What’s The Definition Of A Wife?

Hello, Lovelies. If you have been following along with Bridal Gush this month, you have seen that along with our usual wedding inspiration, I have been sharing a little about my husband and I. This is because we are coming up on a big milestone in our relationship…our first wedding anniversary! Yippee! I am too excited if you can’t tell!

Already this month I have shared our love story and have been reminiscing about our wedding day. All this day dreaming about old times has me thinking… Now that I am married, am I being a good wife? What is a good wife? What does being a wife really mean?

So, being the millennial that I am, I of course, searched Google to find the definition of a wife. Google defines a wife as:

Wife /wīf/ (noun): A married woman considered in relation to her spouse.

Really Google… what does this even mean?!? So, since Google has failed me, I find myself thinking, what does being a wife really mean to me and if I have met this definition.

Yes, I know, these are deep questions, but this is what I want to explore with you today.

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I thought to start this journey, I should examine what has shaped my idea of a wife. For me, this was shaped before I got married from influences from family interactions and society.

Growing up I didn’t really see the interaction of a wife with her husband, I more so saw the job of the married lady as taking care of her family. In my family, the role of the woman was to be the matriarch. This meant heading the household in the ways of managing the finances, planning out vacations,  deciding the kid’s activities, and overall deciding what was best for the collective family.  Sometimes this meant, putting the weight of the family on their shoulders like some kind of Wonder Woman. From this, I picked up that the definition of a wife was to take care of your family and many times that meant putting their needs above your own.

Society then further shaped my view of a wife through TV shows and movies which often times were all about extreme happiness or intense drama. Most plots either focused on the pursuit of marriage with the ending centered on the fairy tale of “they lived happily ever after”  definition of marriage or showcased marriages full of juicy drama like cheating. Both of which show the same stereotype of a wife as a docile woman who is meant to take care of the home and children and adores her husband no matter what he does.

Going into our marriage I had these two in mind. In this last year of marriage though, I have really learned that being a wife is really what you make it. For me, being a wife is wrapped up in the connection with my partner. It means being the ultimate best friend and the person my husband can rely on to support him and be real with him no matter what.  I’ve also learned that a marriage requires a lot of give and take that is sometimes not always even, but in the grand scheme, it’s always 50/50.  I feel like I don’t have to be docile and do whatever my husband decides, but it is a partnership and we work together to manage our household.

But you know, I have only been married a year so I thought, let me ask more seasoned vets in the marriage game what’s their definition.

What Is Your Definition of a Wife?


  • Name: Heidi
  • Occupation: Event Planner (44thandluxevents.com)
  • Years of Marriage: 3 Years August 9!
  • What was Yout Definition of Being A Wife Before You Got Married?

Great question, I honestly just thought being a wife meant always having a partner in crime and a teammate who had your best interests at heart.

  • How Has That Change Now That You Are Married?

Three years later, being a wife is selfless, supportive and full of compromise. Yes, we are all allowed to have selfish moments, but every major decision is one that is no longer made just on your own, it’s made between the couple. At times, it’s hard to put your ideas, desires, and opinions behind you, knowing that for the good of your relationship you need to support your significant other. It’s also about compromising with one another and acknowledging your appreciation for the compromise. Also, learn to be great communicators with one another, it makes a major difference. I would recommend reading “The 5 Love Languages.” It provides a great insight to how you and your significant other give and receive love.


  • Name: Louisea
  • Occupation: R&D Scientist/ Consumer Insights/ Blogger (smallsandcompany.wordpress.com/)
  • Years of Marriage: 6 Years
  • What was Yout Definition of Being A Wife Before You Got Married?

Before getting married my definition of a wife was more of what I saw in movies and in my mom. It was this surreal idea of being a superwoman; balancing a career, being in love with my husband, and taking care of children. I also had this idea that it was all about my way and how I envisioned the marriage, very one sided in retrospect. I was young when I got married and still had a lot to learn and am still learning.

  • How Has That Changed Now That You Are Married?

I would say now there is more depth to my definition of a wife. It’s about providing the best atmosphere for my family to thrive in. To really be there for my husband and not trying to always be right. It’s about helping him unleash his potential as he helps me unleash mine. For me now it’s so much more about becoming one person.

  • Has The Meaning Of Being A Wife Changed Now That You Are A Mother?

This is funny because I was pregnant when I became a wife so my definitions have changed while encompassing both. The important thing for me is to remember that we were us before the children and we have to work to ensure we stay those love birds.


  • Name: Tammy
  • Occupation: Commercial Real Estate Manager
  • Years of Marriage: 25 Years
  • What was Yout Definition of Being A Wife Before You Got Married?

I went into the marriage believing in the 50/50 partnership and that I would be a support to my husband. 

  • How Has That Changed Now That You Are Married? 
It is not simply a 50/50,  I now appreciate the fact that the balance shifts and there will be times when one of us has to carry more load than the other to maintain the connection we have. There are also time we both need to give more.
That is what allows a marriage to be a true partnership. As work related pressures and stress suck up the time we both have. We have to be willing to stay connected to help each other through the stressful periods. If you don’t truly love each other selflessly or you grow apart, then these stresses will take a toll. I’ve been fortunate to have a partner who has stayed connected with me and we’ve supported each other as a team in everything we do. It’s not perfect, but it is worth every ounce of love we put into it.
  • Has The Meaning Of Being A Wife Changed Now That You Are A Mother?
I don’t think it has changed, but it has required a shift in priorities, whether in time or in just focus, that I wasn’t originally prepared for, but was one of the best challenges life could ever present. The inclusion of a child in the connection takes effort but is more than offset by the additional love that is brought in to the relationship in the form of the family.

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  • Name: Suzanne
  • Occupation: Concierge Travel Planner (www.facebook.com/TravelWithSuzanne)
  • Years of Marriage: 17
  • What was Yout Definition of Being A Wife Before You Got Married?

Partner. Friend. Confidante. Cheerleader.

  • Has The Meaning Of Being A Wife Changed Now That You Are A Mother?

No. My definition has not changed but it has evolved. I still believe that the most successful marriages are based on partnership and friendship. And I still consider myself to be a confidante and cheerleader – actually, I consider my husband these things as well although he probably doesn’t envision himself a cheerleader but he has always been one regardless of what crazy endeavor I present to him. Over time our roles have changed. At the beginning of the marriage we both were employed in the corporate world. As kids came into the picture we tried to continue that life but it didn’t feel right for us so I gave up my career to be a stay at home mom. I don’t think either of us had a pre-conceived notion about how long that would last and eventually my husband’s career began taking us around the world and we had to have frequent discussions about what that looked like for our family and for my future career. I’m 15 years into being a stay at home mom and 10 years into being self employed and working from home. I wouldn’t change it for the world as it has been a perfect fit for our family. While my career may not be as illustrious as his, it moves around the world with us, allows me precious freedom to be the mom I want to be: school volunteer, never missing a game, home after school. (Notice I didn’t say I keep the house clean . . .) The opportunities that came to our family as the result of my willingness to be flexible with my career have been amazing. With each move around the world we discuss as a couple the possibilities for him, for me, for us, for our family. We also discuss it as a family and while I have given up a corporate career I’ve gained much and I wouldn’t change it. It isn’t for everyone, but it is for me and for us.

As you can see, being a wife is way more than Google says and can mean different things to different people. We want to know from you where did you get your definition of a wife and how do you define being a wife in your marriage? Let us know in the comments below.

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